What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
