you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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