Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
