They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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