will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
