I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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