I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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