she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
