thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
