can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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