you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
