separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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