Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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