My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
