Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
