it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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