maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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