So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
