why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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