Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
