so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
