Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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