Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
