Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
