My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
