Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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