hotel room ftw
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
