I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
