I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
