Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
