Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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