there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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