um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
