you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
