This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
