So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
