Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
