she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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