i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
