i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
