highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
