at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
