is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
