I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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