I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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