i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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