I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
