I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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