i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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