if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have post one night stand depression
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