So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
